I am a man, and I will admit I am goal oriented, even in bed. However, I have lived long enough to learn a few things about the finer art of lovemaking. When I was young, of course, I pressed towards the goal like an endurance runner, ever moving forward to the finish line only to look back at my partner, who was miles behind. What good is my climax, hitting the finish line, if the one I started the race with is lagging behind?
With a few years under my belt now, it has become much easier for me to enjoy the journey just about as much as the destination. I have fine tuned my objectives and become a much more sensitive lover in the process.
When I approach lovemaking as a tandem event, the “getting there” becomes an amazing experience for both of us. For me, this sometimes means only going halfway — sometimes I don’t reach the finish line, but I win the race nonetheless!
Pop culture sucks
What you see on television and in the movies is often heated love scenes where both partners appear to be super goal oriented and climax together. Well, you know as well as I do that this is bunk. And guys, if you think focusing on your erection and orgasm are going to win you any marks with your woman, you are wrong. Not to mention the fact that you are missing out on some great one on one time with your lady. And, if you are with a long term partner, you are missing out on some amazing benefits that play out over time. There is no downside to slowing things down.
Stop before the finish line
Try only going halfway. What I mean is, when you start your lovemaking session, don’t make your climax the ultimate goal. Make the journey and your partner’s satisfaction the primary goal. I know what you are thinking right now — too much foreplay and all your manliness will deflate like a punctured balloon. The truth is, even if all that “manliness” goes away, your partner will never notice or care.
Here are just a few of the benefits of going only halfway:
Strengthen the ties
Stopping just short of the finish line doesn’t make you any less of a man. In fact, it will show your partner how much she matters to you and this will only strengthen your relationship. When your lady catches on to the fact that you too really enjoy the journey, she will be more in tune with you, and that will help your relationship outside of the bedroom as well, says urologist and sexual health expert Dr. Jennifer Berman. “Foreplay helps to maintain intimacy — physical intimacy but also emotional intimacy,” she says.
Better build up = better sex
Undoubtedly, greater sexual build up results in greater sex. Research shows that building up to intercourse can result in longer and better orgasms. Numerous studies show that both men and women wish they would spend more time on foreplay. This is especially true if you practice only going part way from time to time. There is a greater build up, and the next time you push for the finish line, it will be better for both partners. It is kind of like training for an athletic event — you have to train if you want to perform your best.
It says ‘I love you’
As guys, our understanding of sex starts in the locker room. A heated discussion among young men is often relative to primal instincts only. It’s time to grow up and realize that this is not all there is. Sex is part of a loving and long term relationship, but it needs to be approached in a holistic manner. Women like to make a connection and feel loved, and by focusing on the connection, you will also feel loved. When you push past your caveman mentality, you will find a more sensitive side that your partner longs to see. A side that might even surprise you.
If you struggle with finishing too soon, going halfway will help you develop the stamina you desire. This is a physiological truth that many people are not aware of. Self-control takes practice and putting your interests aside. You also have to learn how to think in unison with your male drive.
So, how exactly do you only go halfway? First of all, you need time. There is nothing wrong with passionate sex, and sometimes “jungle love.” However, for long term satisfaction, a “halfie” once in awhile is a great thing. So, take your time and make sure you have plenty of uninterrupted time together.
Spend time talking and connecting with your clothes on first. This might mean a nice dinner, a long walk or dancing. Showing interest in her day, listening to her and just being there for her will set the mood. Spend time exploring her body, don’t miss any part from her toes to the top of her head. Stop once in awhile to ask her how she is doing. Don’t think that conversation will disrupt the mood; it will only show her you are in tune with what she needs.
Are you ready?
Okay guys, give this a whirl. Try making at least one-third of lovemaking sessions about only going halfway and see what happens in your relationship. Now, don’t get me wrong, she may finish, and that is okay. The point is that you make this more about connection and less about your orgasm. This will say I love you and am willing to do whatever it takes to show you. It will boost your relationship to a whole new level, trust me!
— Rich Everfail